It’s April 1st today, also known as April Fools’ Day. While past years I wrote about highbrow pranks like the 7 best literary hoaxes, this year is a strange affair. Lockdowns and quarantines feel like an endless prank the universe is playing on us. So, I thought I’d turn the tables and have a laugh at recent events.
What’s with people and TP?
One of the strangest side-effects of COVID-19 is the hoarding of toilet paper by people who are, presumably, scared $h!itless by the virus.
Spice up your social media
Just because you’re in lockdown, it doesn’t mean you can’t make your friends jealous. You just need to be imaginative about it.
Things you should not hear in bed
Another unexpected side-effect of the lockdown is a reported spike in Chinese divorces once restrictions are lifted. As Bloomberg reports, uncouplings surged in March as husbands and wives began emerging from weeks of government-mandated lockdowns. While Chinese officials had hoped that cooping up couples would actually lead to a baby boom, cities are now reporting record-high numbers of divorce filings instead. This has led to long backlogs at government offices, where staff members don’t even have time to drink water.
In the interest of avoiding a similar fate in the West, here is a list of things you should never hear in bed (you’re welcome):
- “And yet your feet are so big!”
- “Don’t worry, we’ll work around it.”
- “I guess this makes me the early bird.”
- “Try not to smear my make-up.”
- “At least this won’t take long.”
- “Do you know the ceiling needs painting?”
- “Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth.”
- “Is that blood on the headboard?”
- “Did I remember to take my pill?”
- “It’s just a rash.”
- “Sorry about the name tags, I’m not very good with names.”
- “Does it come with an air pump?”
- “But it still works, right?”
- “Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
- “But everybody looks funny naked.”
- “Do you smell something burning?”
- “On second thoughts, let’s turn off the lights.”
- “You must be cold.”
- “Don’t mind me. I always file my nails in bed,”
- “Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
- “Maybe it looks better in natural light,”
- “Maybe you’re just out of practice.”
- “When is this supposed to feel good?”
- “It’s a good thing you’re rich.”
I hope these gave you a chuckle. And if you are locked up with your kids and don’t know how to keep them busy, these pranks for kids may help. Happy April Fools’ Day!