More Funny Similes and Metaphors

Seeing how much you enjoyed my recent post, Funny Similes and Metaphors, here’s another one for you. This one’s courtesy of Writer’s Relief, which hosted a metaphor competition. Here are the results. I hope you like them!

More Funny Similes and Metaphors

First of all, what’s the difference between the two?

The definition of a metaphor is (loosely) a figure of speech that suggests an analogy between objects or ideas. Metaphor example: He was a fish out of water.

The definition of a simile is a figure of speech that compares two unlike things, usually preceded by “like” or “as.” Simile example: She swims like a fish.

So here are some good ones:

She was tougher than titties on a turtle.
Busier than a one-armed clown making balloon animals at a kid’s party.
I was busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
Busy as a cat trying to cover poop on a tin roof.
She thought she had gained weight as in the shower it now took her 30 mins to get her feet wet.
She has more excuses than a pregnant nun.
Talking to him was as frustrating as eating a hamburger with freshly painted nails.
He was as crestfallen as a crested egret whose crest had fallen off.
He’s as sharp as a bowling ball.
He rolled out of bed like a fruit fly stuck in honey.
He could barely squeeze through the opening. I was akin to a poodle passing a Pepsi can.
He had more problems than a math book.
It was like Schrodinger’s cat. Or was it?
She was so skinny she had to jump around in the shower to get wet.
Her face looked like a Pekingese trying to understand French.
The night smacked him in the face like the nose of a playful black lab.
Her eyes were like robin eggs hatching a plan.
The new baby’s hair stuck out like tiny daggers trapped in a frightened bathing cap.
His teeth looked like an unpainted picket fence with some of the boards rotting.
His touch was as delicate as that of a welding robot.
There were so many piercings in his face it looked like he’d been in an argument with a nail gun–and lost.
Her two front teeth looked like a couple of Chiclets that weren’t on speaking terms.
Her singing voice was bluer than the toes of a barefoot field goal kicker.
She had more curves than a roller coaster.
Her leopard-skin mini-skirt stuck to her voluptuous body like shrink-wrap to a rump roast.
Her dress fit her body like a yellow line curving around a mountain highway.
His temper brewed like a hot cup of coffee.
Her eyes flashed with all the excitement of a pig sneaking into a fat farm.

Bonus entries (not really metaphors but people included them there and I couldn’t resist sharing):

It’s a tough road to hoe.
The beautiful child was the center of attention, with his golden curls and tuna fish complexion.
We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.
Her dress left little room for imagination — or lunch.
He was a super man, soaring powerfully through life, anchored firmly by his umbilical cord.
“So I just laid all my eggs on the table…”
He grabbed her and said, “Look me in the eye and tell me you love me!” As she had crossed eyes, he didn’t know what to believe.

More Funny Similes and Metaphors