Lego Stormtroopers | From the blog of Nicholas C. Rossis, author of science fiction, the Pearseus epic fantasy series and children's book

Image: Pixabay

My current Work In Progress (WIP) is a sci-fi mystery romance taking place 100 years from now on a Greek island. Its working title is Clones (it will change) and yes, I know this is the first time I mention it.

I started writing it with a male protagonist and a female android gradually becoming a bit of his romantic interest. Together, they uncover a dastardly plot involving clones, an artist, and a reclusive billionaire.

Honestly, it’s better than it sounds. Anyway, wait till you read what happened next: halfway through the story, I realized it all worked much better if I inverted the genders! So, the protagonist is now a woman cop with a growing interest in a male android.

Which meant I had to rewrite quite a few scenes–and descriptions. While doing that, I was struck by how a scene that was fine for a woman became creepy for a man and vice versa. The whole experience made me question some of my preconceptions of gender roles.

So, I was particularly amused by a hilarious post by Alexandra Petri on The Washington Post describing what would happen if male authors described men in literature the way they describe women. Here are a few of Alexandra’s gems:

What would happen if male authors described men in literature the way they describe women

Raymond Chandler

Marlowe was the kind of brunette who would make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window, and only half the hole would be from heterosexual panic. The other half would be that look he gave you, under his hat brim, the kind of look you thought maybe you could cash in later in a cheap hotel room, before you saw the headache sticking out of his hip pocket.

Leo Tolstoy

Vronsky had once been beautiful. His hands, once white and soft, were thin and wasted from the labors of child-rearing, and his face appeared pinched and unattractive. His voice had acquired a querulous tone. His arms, once the right shape, were now the wrong shape, because of the passage of time and the moral degradation that came with it. There was a horse who suffered an awful accident, and Vronsky was like that in a way.


White-thighed Odysseus emerged from the water freshly bathed and glistening with oil /
His skin glowed like the dawn sweeping in on his swiftly sandaled feet /
The goddess beheld him with rapture

George R.R. Martin

Jon Snow’s abs moved imperceptibly beneath his tunic, firm and hard and pale like winter apples that had been harvested, sliced carefully and arrayed in rows.

Jack Kerouac

His lovely ripe pectorals were barely concealed beneath his white nightshirt, and Dean looked at me as if to say, if this is America, I’d like to see more of it.

The Terminator

Large but delicately framed, with a pinprick red eye that lights up when he enters a room. He stops the party when he walks into a room (by killing the party with his mechanized weaponry) but you wonder what lurks under that steely exterior.

Toy Story

Possessing a promising body with hard, shapely curves, Buzz dresses older than his age, but manages to pull it off.

Star Wars: A New Hope

Luke Skywalker is in his late teens, pretty without knowing it.

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Darth Vader could be attractive if he tried, but he has instead settled for menacing. Tall, dressed in all black with a breathing mask affixed to his face — an outfit that screams, “LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

R2D2 is short and over 30, but he knows how to work with what he’s been given. A posterior to make onlookers swoon. Numerous well-maintained ports in which the onlooker can insert a data drive or disk.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

Jar Jar Binks is unprepossessing at first glance, but the sinuous elegance of this amphibian can command a room. Clumsy and awkward and unaware of the effect he produces. Beautiful eyes, on large eye-stalks.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

With a lithe, lissome neck and large, expressive blue eyes, he looks damn good on a bicycle.

The Muppets

With soft, peach-fuzz skin, Kermit the Frog intrudes on the viewer’s attention not gradually but all at once. Unaware of his impact, and stronger than he knows.

2001: A Space Odyssey

The first thing you notice about HAL 9000, a glowing red boob in space, is that he’s a glowing red boob in space.

For the complete list, read Alexandra’s full post on The Washington Post.