Washington Post | From the blog of Nicholas C. Rossis, author of science fiction, the Pearseus epic fantasy series and children's booksAccording to a meme that’s been going around, the Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its annual neologisms contests, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. Seeing how much you all enjoyed my post on Oxford Dictionaries’ Surprising Word of the Year 2015, I thought you’d also appreciate this!

  1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
  2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you’ve gained.
  3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
  7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
  8. Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavored mouthwash.
  9. Flatulance (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  11. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
  12. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
  13. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
  14. Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  15. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
  16. Skilljoy (n.): The would-be friend who’s a bit better than you at everything.
  17. Percycution (n.): Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.
  18. Coughin (n.): A small enclosure designed especially for smokers.
  19. Typochondriac (adj.): A paranoid proofreader.
  20. Ignorial (n.): A monument that nobody visits