According to a meme that’s been going around, the Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its annual neologisms contests, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. Seeing how much you all enjoyed my post on Oxford Dictionaries’ Surprising Word of the Year 2015, I thought you’d also appreciate this!
- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you’ve gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulance (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
- Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
- Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
- Skilljoy (n.): The would-be friend who’s a bit better than you at everything.
- Percycution (n.): Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.
- Coughin (n.): A small enclosure designed especially for smokers.
- Typochondriac (adj.): A paranoid proofreader.
- Ignorial (n.): A monument that nobody visits
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Most of these were plagiarised from The Uxbridge English Dictionary: https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Uxbridge-English-Dictionary-Havent/dp/1848094973/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505664814&sr=8-1&keywords=uxbridge+english+dictionary
I had no idea what the source was, so thanks for the link!
They should add: Washington-Posted (v.), where someone calls for prosecution of someone they won a Pullitzer for publishing the revelations from, for putting those revelations in the public domain through them..
Erm… that sounds pretty specific…
LOL! These are hysterical. I tried to pick a favorite, but they are all just too funny.
Heh heh – I know what you mean 😀
Really funny, Nicholas. 😀 — Suzanne
Lol – thanks 🙂
Very funny! 😀 And clever.
My feelings exactly 🙂
So clever. What fun 😀 😀
I know. I wish I were that funny 🙂
Ridiculously hilarious. 😀 😀 😀 Really? o_O
Lol – quite so!
o_O Sigh.
Hilarious!
Leslie
Absolutely 😀
Very clever! I salute the writers!
Oh, absolutely! Some really creative people out there 🙂
Forgot about when they do this. #19 is perfect.
I don’t know. I could really identify with flabbergasted and abdicate.
Maybe because I’m editing, I connected more with #19. Though those other two did hit a little close to home. 🙂
Very clever, Nicholas. I enjoyed these.
Best wishes, Pete.
Thank you, Pete! So did I 🙂