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If you’re anything like me, when invited to a person’s house, you discreetly go through your host’s bookshelves to see what they like reading –that is, if there are any books in the house- and consider whether you have a literary connection between you.  I have found that it is quite useful to get a glimpse of the person across you, besides being a nice conversation starter.

Sometimes, I even find that a friend has a book I’d lent them ages ago buried in his/her bookcase, which prompts an explanation of the “oh, that’s where it is” type (from them), along with silent curses (from me).  I often promise myself that I will not lend books to people because my books are then guaranteed to disappear in the planet-of-lost-books.  If you want to know, it’s the planet next to the planet-of-lost-single-socks and they seem to be keeping great company between them, laughing out loud at us humans, and enjoying the same constellation and solar system as the planet-of-forgotten-passwords.  Anyway, my books usually do not find their way back to my bookshelves, but I constantly fail to keep on that promise, and that is why I find them in other people’s homes.

So, if you are in the habit of diplomatically browsing through your friends’ bookshelves (or Kindle), here are a few pointers as to what you can deduce from your findings, courtesy of The Date Report.  Of course, if they have a book written by you, then just ignore this list and marry them already!

1. The Catcher in the Rye: They went through a moody phase and probably have a solid investment portfolio.
2. Cloud Atlas: They see movies, read the book, like the movie better, and will never admit it.
3. Brave New World: They’re probably just into future theories and sexual liberty, but you might want to have the eugenics talk sooner rather than later. Just in case.
4. Game of Thrones: They’ve got all the patience.
5.  Pride and Prejudice: They’re all about the happy ending and love Judi Dench movies.
6.  Twilight: They’re (unconsciously) really into Shakespeare.
7.  Titus Andronicus: They’re really into Shakespeare.
8.  The Great Gatsby: They’re a cynic with a heart of gold and a sad past.
9.  The Adventures of Huck Finn/Tom Sawyer: They probably spent a lot of time alone in the woods as a kid, which made them kind of awesome.
10.  To Kill a Mockingbird: They did poorly on the LSATs.
11.  The DaVinci Code: They’re troubled by Beyonce’s Illuminati connections.
12.  Little Women: This person is growing and maturing through experience. Lock it down.
13.  The Outsiders: They wear the same boots they did in high school and have an affinity for Bruce Springstein.
14.  On The Road: They’ll always have an extra flannel something you can borrow.
15.  The Scarlet Letter: They’re your 10th grade English teacher.
16.  Ulysses: They are still paying off grad school.
17.  Fifty Shades of Grey: They’re really into Twilight, so basically, they’re into Shakespeare. But sexy Shakespeare.  With a whip.
18.  Lord of the Flies: They were definitely a camp kid.
19.  Identity Crisis: They don’t really “get” sports.
20.  Dracula: Make sure to lock your diary, cause they’ll probably read it.
21.  Eat, Pray, Love: You won’t have to ask too many questions about their life. They’ll tell you all about it.
22.  The Adults: They might have a few daddy issues, but the north-eastern swarm more than makes up for it.
23.  The Lord of the Rings: They like staying in hostels a little too much.
24.  Fight Club: Run. Run now.
25.  The Virgin Suicides: The journey, not the destination, is what’s important to them.
26.  Divergent: Holy cow, no. Run faster than you ran from Fight Club. In fact, run back to Fight Club.
27.  Harry Potter 7: They understand that true love A) conquers all and B) lasts forever.
28.  Harry Potter 1-6: They need to stop being lazy and finish the series.
29.  Bossypants: They have strange cravings for sugar-free orange juice.
30.  Flowers in the Attic: Total wildcard. Totally worth it.